Fashion Bitching 101

Poll For The Bitches

2007-06-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

And yes, that means you.

Which top deserves heaven and which deserves hell?

Decide carefully, ladies. Very carefully.

All tops from AsiaJam.

Dresses That Deserve Heaven

2007-06-20T09:22:00.001-07:00

As a sucker of little black dresses and bright sundresses, I hereby declare my love at first sight to Lulus Fashion Lounge. Trust me ladies, they have the cutest little dresses (be it black or brightly under the sun) on the web so far. I mean, come on! Seriously, take a look at this beauty.

The gorgeous Lucca Fiona Dress is retailed at a mere $37. And... and I can't stop drooling at their Y Apparel Paris Shopping Girl Dress which is waiting to be grabbed for only $45. Oh man... I can just see myself trotting down the beaches of Bali wearing this with my honey!

Now I know where to look for pretty little dresses. Ain't that a relief?

The Logo Effect

2007-06-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

Okay. I obviously LOVE designer bags like any red-blooded girls anywhere in this crazy world. But I do have something I despise about designers who design bags. It's the fact of how proud they are of what they design, shown by attaching way too big or too much logos for the world to see. It's given that Louis Vuitton has been leading the way with their monogram leather -which are nowadays copied shamelessly by other top notch designers- and I've made my peace with that, especially when they finally hire Takashi Murakami to do something to jazz up the boring brown pattern with cherries and small little hotel doormen.

What bugs me is how OTHER leading brands paste their logo notoriously on their fine products. I know that not all brands are as recognisable as Burberry for instance. However, stamping a larger-than-thou logo is -to me- is a tacky act. Fendi did nice on some of its baguettes and spy bags (I don't really know how people see spy bags as 'gorgeous' -but let's talk about that on other post). But they did a blah job on this supposedly nice Selleria. If it's done to 'get attention', well I'd say they pulled it off with this nice little orange wallet. It's flashy, it's fabulous and more importantly, people actually get that it's a Fendi.

Another brand that really went beyond my expectation in showing off its initials is Yves Saint Laurent. Its simple tote bag got ruined with a huge YSL logo. Yeah it's made with beads, and yeah it costs a gazillion more than what tote bags should cost, but it does NOT look like it costs a fortune. I'm still eyeing YSL's white Muse bag like the one owned by Sienna Miller, but never in this freaky world would I be caught dead sporting the hideous tote. Nope.

Prada. Lately I noticed some drawbacks in the designs. I still remember the canvas craze a few years back... and yes I got into it too. But lately the smallish triangular logo have been replaced with a large emboss of 'Prada Milano' logo. And what's more amazing, people actually LIKE it. Wow. I just don't get it. It's like saying: "Don't you just luuuurve my new bag? Oh you don't know what it is? Can't you, like.. uh... READ?"

It's nauseating.

From where I'm sitting right now, I see a very thin line between being bold and tacky. Bold is attitude, while tacky is what a so-called nouveau riche would be whenever they smile and brag about their bags / clothes / shoes / accessories that bear the logo. Bold is carrying your bag wherever, whenever wearing whatever and still manage to get people whispering: "She has the new Balenciaga!"

Don't know about you, but to me, showing 'class' is never equal with showing 'logos'. As long as you know you're carrying a Tod's, doesn't mean everybody has to. And when you start drooling over logos, just be prepared to rot in fashion hell.

Stop Me. Stop Me Now.

2007-06-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

It’s so freaky how I couldn’t seem to stop myself from commenting stuff around me and stuff I see on the magic box called ‘television’. Hm. Maybe that’s why I have not one but TWO blogs, one in English and one in Bahasa Indonesia. Oh well. Seems like nobody have gotten the finger cuffs I once requested, so here I am, typing my thoughts about Ms. Hilton.

I don’t really care about her release the other day, nor do I care about her getting back into jail. I just noticed the fact that the notorious party girl no matter how guilty she is… she never gets out of style. I mean, seriously, look at her!

Black ribbon on hair, crisp white shirt, black vest and trousers, grey adorable cropped blazer and a Chanel bag. Oh yeah, don’t forget the signature ‘I’m-too-good-for-anything’ pout. My my. It’s lucky I wasn’t the judge. If I was, I’d just fine her for looking too fine, and probably send some of my subordinates with a search warrant into her closet to raid her handbags (I’d love to have her pink Chanel thingies and Balenciaga Motorcycle bags!). And I’d say the American police made a true mistake in having her arrested NOW, as she should’ve been arrested THEN because of doing THIS:

I call it: “Abusive behavior to a very nice Pucci-printed bikini”. That’s enough to make a case out of it, no?

Okay okay I’ll stop now before I get bitchier than I already am.

Eyesore Tonight

2007-06-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

And when I thought the world is beginning to wake-up and finally smell the moth balls from the seventies… a new trend begins and it’s nowhere near good.

Behold, the cheaply-imitated, confusingly-created and mind-blowingly-disturbing… “VICTORIAN-INSPIRED” top.

TOP, they say. So what do you wear underneath? A pair of skinny jeans? Leggings? Oh my God. I nearly fainted when this image flashed before me on my computer. How do you wear this ruffle-lace-ribbons-floral-fuckfest? Please don’t tell me, let me imagine.

Hang on…

Hold on…

In a minute…

No.

I can’t bring my mind into even TOLERATING this dress-top-whatchamacallit. An insult to the Victorian era, an abuse to lace, a dead wrong interpretation on how florals should be used… and a total waste of beautiful ribbons.

For the love of fashion, good taste, style and everything good… please ladies, bear with me. Should you decide to wear this kind of dress-top-whatchamacallit, you might as well tell your partner to grow a mullet, wear baggy jeans and gold accessories.

Dang, I knew I shouldn’t be online-windowshopping at this kind of hour.

Mullet Talk

2007-06-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

My friends say I’m obsessed with people with mullets. I, hereby, state that I am not obsessed (to have one). After years of observations, I just couldn’t get the logic of leaving just a strand of hair at the back of your head after you get a haircut. To me, it’s like leaving a strip of your bacon after finishing the whole big breakfast hoopla. Why?

I began visiting this website two years ago. Usually I just pop in for a lunchtime laugh, just whenever I’m forced to eat in my desk due toa hellish workload. The website features any kind of mullet one can think of. And yes, I’ve been thinking of building a similar one… or probably join forces with them, as I just realize that Indonesia has a huge fan base of mullets! I’ve forgiven Ryan Hidayat, Gito Gilas, Denny Malik and all the celebrities from the eighties for their temporary sanity of growing intense mullets in their heydays. Never quite get over Deddy Dores’ mullet as it still exists right now, but I have made my peace with it. What struck me cold was finding a mullet around the Blok M area just now resembling this one (gotta take the pic from mulletjunky.com as I forgot to take my camera with me):

Dude, seriously. What year is this, 1985?

I remember having a discussion with a group of friends -all from the ‘art’ circle, a couple of years ago regarding the mullets around us.

“What is the logic begind mullets?”
“You got me. It is not at all aestethically pleasing”
“Maybe it’s pleasing for some people. You know, like how Warhol is disturbing for some, but a delight for most”
“Dude, you’re comparing mullets to Warhol?”
“Why not? In terms of silliness, they’re about the same”
“Okay enough with the name-drop. Seriously. What’s so right about mullets that it doesn’t even get into the fashion wheel?”
“Yes, that’s what got me thinking too. The fashion wheel. We all know that platform shoes are back in better designs, the mod look is back in brighter colors, even skinny jeans made a huge comeback… but mullets? They’re never back in better forms because…”
“… they’ve never even been away?“
“Exactly. And why?”

Well class, to end today’s Mullet Anthropology 101, I would like to extend a heartfelt message for young parents everywhere in the world. Consider this coming from someone who truly cares…

You might think it’s cute, you might think it’s adorable. But ‘mulletizing’ your innocent child should be considered child abuse. Remember, you have every right to stay in the eighties and be ugly. But it’s the millenium and your children deserve better.

The Attack of The Wrong Vintage Dresses

2007-06-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

Post taken from my general blog. Let's pool it all here now. Ha!

This is the first post in this blog about fashion. I recommend reading with style.

So the deal is I’ve been down and out with what most Indonesian girls nowadays call ‘vintage’ dresses. From what I see in small boutiques adorning Kemang area nowadays, these so-called ‘vintage’ clothings are either:

1. Having very busy patterns that would make one go dizzy
2. Having the cut of what most grandmas would wear
3. In-accesorize-able, read: hell, with the busy patterns and lots of laces, who needs more accessory? And who the f*ck needs to add long pearl necklaces? It’s like adding lime juice to a cut wound. Ouch.
4. Proposing idea of making the wearers look like a goodie-two-shoes, but very often fail miserably and in the contrary, making the wearers look worse than their household assistants. Which is truly ironic and sad because their household assistants work days and nights to earn enough to have at least something to wear, while these supposedly pretty brats throw their parents’ money away for expensive new dresses made today with a faux vintage air that look awful.

White Shoes and The Couple’s Company

Now it’s not about me hating the past. I adore my mom’s flare jeans, empire dresses and Indian tunics (that are looking mighty hot with my leggings today). But please, people. Let’s just make what’s on TV stay on TV. Let White Shoes and The Couple’s Company do all the vintage antics, because they happen to have created the image of a retro band. And it is called SHOWbusiness. Let’s just get back to the basic of fashion sanity:

What you think is good might not look good ON you

For the love of fashion and everything good, I am just feeling the strong urge to vocalize my concerns about today’s growing ugliness that slowly but surely smearing the cuteness of small little boutiques. We (fashionable) girls should be able to differ which dress is inspired by Audrey Hepburn and which Audrey would hope to be burnt in hell. Let’s hope we’ll see more of these…

And a hell lot less of these…

Observe the two dresses above. They came from the same era -the seventies-. But there is some serious case of annoyance in the bottom picture. What, I’m dying to ask, is so flattering about this turquoise thing that resembles more of a tent? It is not good for the upper body because it does not make the breasts look bigger, it makes the wearer look like she’s wearing a lifejacket underneath. And what’s up with the flimsy long sleeve? Do we need to expect a rabbit coming from underneath? Don’t get me started on the ruffles. And yes, the useless attempt of making this tent look like a dress by tying a ribbon on the waist. I really think the girl wearing this has got a nice body, but maybe not too much of sanity.

After keeping this bottled up for about six months, it feels effin’ good to finally let it out.

Phew!

*pictures grabbed randomly from Google

Same Designer, Different Fate

2007-06-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

It's always great to windowshop online. You never know what you'll find. Today it's this website for me, as I was looking for cute summer dresses. And you know what I found?

Dress #1

Dress #2

Both from Patricia from Paris. Both are retailed at $305 each. Same price, same material, similar pattern, same model wearing similar hairstyle, same black ballet flats and same uglier than ugly fishnet stockings.

But which one goes to hell?

It's a big NO NO to say you HATE something in the fashion world, because someday you'll wear what you used to loathe with so much pride. So to avoid biting my tongue in the future, I'll say: "While I'll wear dress #2 with my curly hair, no fishnets and a red patent ballet flats instead of black, I'd burn dress #1 in a snap."

Hell Indeed

2007-06-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

It's weird how Hollywood is wired. First there was Paris Hilton who went to prison... and now the guy who used to dress her is filed with charges.

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - Celebrity fashion designer Anand Jon Alexander pleaded not guilty to 13 new charges of sexual assault Tuesday after at least six more women and girls accused him of abuse. Alexander, who has dressed starlets such as Paris Hilton is accused of meeting women on the Internet and assaulting them when they visited about modeling opportunities between 2002 and 2007. His defense has claimed some of the women made the allegations to seek fame. At least 18 women and girls, ranging in age from 14 to 27, have accused him of abuse.

The rest of the story can be read here.

Now I'm not interested in his criminal case or anything. Being a visual person, I've always believed that what I see tells the truth.

Sometimes I don't understand Hollywood, seriously. Would YOU, in your sanest mind, let somebody who looks like the newer version of Milli Vanilli's late Rob Pilatus even get near your wardrobe? Because as far as fashion is concerned, that is a criminal act.

This guy's going to hell along with ruffles and baggy pants.

Booty Call

2007-06-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

One thing I never get in the fashion world: ankle boots. They're ugly and indecisive. It's like saying "Well I think I wanna wear boots today. Oh wait, let's wear pumps. Ah but my ankles are going to be cold. Umm... wait, maybe it's better to wear strappy heels. Strappy? In this kind of weather? NO. I think I wanna cover my ankles. Yeah. Let's see now. Oh well I'd go with this one..." and BAM! Ankle boots. As if it's not enough, this variant of shoes has been adorned by silly zippers and expensive materials. Like this one from Paul & Joe at Net-a-Porter. Moss suede with a ribbon attached on the back. If this one dies, it definitely will go to hell.

My definition for boots: "Covering the legs so it stays warm, comfortable and sexy". However, boots designers always come up with the wrong answers. First there were Uggs, and then there were -yeah- ankle boots. Browsed more and found these sexy wedge boots from Christian Louboutin. Ahhhh... loving it. Its simplistic approach to sexiness... its minimalist wedge heels... gorgeous.

But again, a girl from the tropics can just wish to wear such goodies in this kind of heat.

Dang. Guess it's the cue for me to go back to my Havaianas.

Umm... Minnie?

2007-06-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ah. One of the perks of being a celebrity. You look stylish in ANYTHING. I went to New York Post today and found this picture of Uma Thurman smiling widely with... what's that on her head? Ah. Mousettes. Minnie Mouse hangs in there with her polkadot ribbon, while our lovely Uma tries a different approach: stripes. Looks pirate-y? Aye!

By the way, welcome to Fashion Bitching 101. The place where fashion dies. Don't take the 'die' part seriously because even good fashion have to die someday. What matters is: do they go to heaven... or will they rot in hell? Enjoy, people.